School Gripes

I was cleaning my room when I saw the cover of an old MAD Magazine lying there. The cover read: "35 Reasons School Sucks" That's like saying "35 Things Elton John has done to seem gay" It's just not enough! Anyway it got me to thinking of my least favorite thing about school, and I hit it. The "Zero-Tolerance Policy" "Zero-Tolerance" Meaning "Don't try to avoid a trip to the hospital, because that would mean you would still have to come here"

If you don't understand what I'm saying, let me deliberate: This "Policy" states that if you are involved in a fight, you will get in as much trouble as the offending party. Now, a) "Involved" can even mean "beat to a bloody, near-fatal pulp to the point where you hack up your own digestive tract" and b) The victim always gets in more trouble than the a-hole who collapsed your skull.

Example: One time, me and my friends were horsing around outside, when these little bastards walk up and beat the sh*t out of me. I tried to ask what I did, to no avail. They then proceded to bash my head against a tree and kick me in the back of the ankle. "Help!" I screamed, in PLAIN VIEW OF THE "MONITOR"!!!!!!!! They continued to spit on me, so I sprang up and tore the littler of the demons glasses off. Now I don't know if you know this, but this can be considered a "bad move"

After they ran off, the bell rang. Of course, I couldn't hear it, on account of all the blood blocking my ear canal. My friends ran back over to me and tried to help me up. By "my friends" I think it goes without saying that they were not the "friends" who ran off earlier.

When I got inside, I tried to tell my teacher, the bitch, what had occured. She sat and smiled pretending not to notice. So I ran over to the guy who tried to kill me and kicked him in the shin. His lackeys grabbed me and took turns whacking me in the balls.

Finally, I went to the principal (Fun fact!: He was also Principal and part time janitor at the high school next door!) and told him what happened. He didn't believe me because I have a "record" (many kids threw rocks at my head) So he called them in this was there excuse: "Well, those other kids were beating him up, and they were doing it wrong, so we were showing them how to do it."

Score: bullies:0 Principal:0 Me:1/2

That's right: they got 2 hours detention each! WOOHOO! Obviously, though, I got one hour, meaning three days. Let me explain: If you come in to detention 5 minutes late, and you do not play any sports, you have to spend an extra half an hour there, because you can't serve only five minutes in detention. Too simple you see. You have to serve at 30 minute intervals. SO... I finished that over the period of a week, and those bully jerks DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL! Never saw 'em again.

So in closing, screw public education, screw bullies, etc. And if I ever catch you coughing up blood, your expelled!